Just Because Life is a Circle Doesn't Mean You Should Hitch a Ride On Mine

First let me inform you that the dogs came home about seven hours after their great escape. They appeared to be fine, just very tired and a little sore. I know their fine this morning because it is the same routine, wake me up, let them out, and now feed us. (Ok they might be hunger since they missed a meal yesterday, but that's not my fault).




I'm a mom and I used to think I was a good one until by three daughters went and jumped off the deep end, seeming to abandon all of what we thought we were teaching them in not only morals and values but life lessons. I was married, pregnant and divorced by 22, so was my oldest Laurie. I had no morals or values and did what I pleased until I was 25 and Savanna seems to be on that path. I had no concept of money and thought it was always available and spent myself into debt by the time I was 25, Jasmine is right on schedule.



I've talked to the girls (well not Savanna lately and as an update she closed her my space or changed it, I used to be able to see the front page and would know she was ok, but yesterday she shut it down) about each of their addictions or lack of judgments. They are each aware of their flaws but then close their eyes and keep going around and around.



I feel especially anxious today about Jasmine because I know what debt feels like and I know what worrying about money everyday feels like. She was given on March 3 a little over $800 in tax return money, it is all gone and she has nothing to show for it. Remember she is also pregnant and the dad is not stepping up. She is home on spring break and I tried to talk to her about it and she cried and boo hooed and then yesterday she spent what she had left. I'm not sure what to do with her. She moves back home to have the baby this May and I don't know how much control I should try to impose on her. We are open about our finances so she has a clear understanding of only spending what you have to.



I just don't understand why they seem hell bent on repeating the circle I've been on, even when they've been told and have seen with their own eyes. Why can't they find a different way?

Bad Dogs!

I love my dogs, no wait I hate my dogs, no wait I'm not sure.

I thought I was a cat person when I got married 19 years ago but some how I have had dogs the whole time. Not small curl up in your lap dogs but the big kind, mostly labs. Now don't get me wrong their great except for the following:

1.  Three big dogs eat a lot!

2.  They seem to think that 6 am Mon. through Fri. is feeding time, regardless. And if you don't get up and feed them, they pace. This would also be fine but we have hardwood floors and all you hear is click,click, click, click.......drives me crazy.

3.  The like to go on long runs, again no problem but they like to do it alone. last night we had a storm which blew the gate open, I let them out this morning and off they went for some exercise, now three hours later and they are still not home!

4.  Dog hair, I'm so over all the dog hair. I sweep and then a breeze blows and these giant fur balls show up from no where, I swear they are attacking me.

5.  Now I'm just venting because the dogs are out, but seriously I could use a year or two without a pet!

Councilman Booted for Tending to FarmVille

Now if you play Farmville great, I completely understand. I love computer games but for what ever reason FarmVille has never gave grabbed my attention. Some headlines about this game have:

1.  Anyone who plays FarmVille knows it is critical to harvest your crops on time. But maybe it's not as important as administrating the second-largest city in Bulgaria. Dimitar Kerin was voted off a committee assignment by the Plovdiv City Council for his inability to stop tending his virtual crops on the Facebook game during meetings.

2.FarmVille, a free online farm simulation game available through Facebook, has been accused of generating "hundreds of millions of dollars" from unsuspecting players, many of whom are children. (not sure where the parents are?)

3. Farmville, a simple, cute game where players plant crops, raise animals, and harvest them for profit, is the brainchild of Mark Pincus, CEO of San Francisco-based casual game company Zynga. "I did every horrible thing in the book to, just to get revenues right away," Pincus told attendees at the tech startup mixer. "I mean we gave our users poker chips if they downloaded this Zwinky toolbar which was like, I don't know, I downloaded it once and couldn’t get rid of it...We did anything possible just to just get revenues so that we could grow and be a real business."

So I guess buyer beware and perhaps inform your children not to click the extras so you don't get stuck with the bill!

Observations from my Diningroom Table

Every morning (just about) I get up and sit at the dining room and have my computer time before school. Today is no exception, though today I don't have school but two 5 page essay’s to write, one about history and one about 'poetry. This would probably not be a problem except they're both due tomorrow at 9 am. But hey who's worried I have a little over 24 hours to write with inspiration and academic prowess.




So what I really wanted to talk about was myself what I notice just about every morning while I sit and drink coffee and check in with the world.



My guys can't fold laundry. Now don't comment and tell me they can because I'm sitting here and they can't. The laundry basket is on t he coach full of whites (which means socks, not very white) and they come down each morning and in the dark (not sure why they don't turn the living room light on - duh) they each empty the basket to find a pair of socks. No one even thinks to fold the clothes that are also in the basket. This would be a normal ok thing but I do fold socks and put them in their piles to go to their rooms probably 3-4 times a week. So what happens to those socks?



Anyway if I keep sitting here observing my space I’ll have to get up and do something with the now overturned, white laundry all over my dog haired couches and I can’t because I haven’t finished by first cup of coffee yet and besides two of the boys still haven’t found a pair of socks yet.

Boys Are Just Yucky!

Conversation yesterday between Boy 1 (oldest son) and Boy 3 (youngest son)


Boy 1: Where did you get those shorts?

Boy 3: They’re mine!

Boy 1: Yes but where did you get them?

Boy 3: They were on the bathroom floor.

Boy 1: That’s gross I wore them to wrestling last night!

Boy 3: Well they are clean now.

Boy 1: Putting them in the dryer for a few minutes with the other clean clothes does not get my sweat off of them.

Boy 3: I got them wet.

Boy 1: What?

Boy 3: When I got out of the shower I stepped on them and that made them wet, so technically they’re clean…

Boy 1: ……………………….You’re weird!

Post It Tuesday's

I seriously need to get some mental juice - seems like I'm running on empty these days!

Sunday Movies

No time this week for movies except for one which has a slightly funny story to it. We were getting ready to watch the movie Everybodys Fine and the boys asked me what kind of movie is it. Not sure where I got my information but I told them it was a comedy. Well they were none too happy by the end of the movie when we all tears in our eyes. This is a slow but well paced film. There are no hurried moments it takes its time to unfold. For those of us with grown children it will hit close to home. De Niro is wonderful, though at times I wanted him to be more like his rougher characters but only because I also wanted to him to kick his childrens butts. Watch this I think you'll like it.

Savanna

I have thought often in the last few weeks of writing this blog. Going over and over in my head how I want to word my thoughts, and then I would never do it.


This blog is a letter for my daughter Savanna; she is a beautiful 17 year old girl with ideas and opinions that have conflicted with the worlds for some time. She is the youngest of my three girls and perhaps the least likely to actively search you out for attention, time and love. Savanna left home in January and we have not heard from her since. It breaks my heart and I think of her every day.



Dear Savanna,

I know that you are aware that I have this blog and I can only hope that you are reading it in order stay caught up with the family news. I am thankful that you talk to Jasmine on occasion, because then I know you are ok. I’m sorry you feel unloved and are so angry. I honestly don’t know where all the anger comes from. Your dad and I have done the best we could and yet it was never enough for you. I’m not sure there was anything more we could have done. But that doesn’t stop us from worrying about you. I think of you every day, every birthday, and every family get together is not the same without you.

I’m not sure if you feel like you can never come home or not. The last time you spoke to us, you said we were out of your life forever. Forever can be a very long time and over time ideas and attitudes soften. Mostly I want you to know that you can come home, we do love you and we care about you. If you ever need us we will be there for you. I love you my darling girl. Love Mom

Who's Rowing Your Boat?

Sometimes when our lives don’t match our expectation we forget that the boat we are in is built for two. Oh it’s all fine to row together when the seas are calm, the sun is shining and you can stop at all the local ports of call without worry of spending too much.


But what happens when the storms come in? I unfortunately am the first one to panic and stop rowing. I think it comes from my childhood and the life I led before I married my husband. I felt alone and abandoned and was sure that anyone who was in my life would use me, abuse me or leave me. My husband is not any of the above but still when things get tough I bail.

I panic and withdraw into this quiet depression that speaks volumes of my faith in him to get us out of another hard situation. And the worst part is after 19 years and many storms and many rescues, I still bail with the clouds get dark. I eat and shut down and shut out, instead I should be holding on to him and trusting him. I also know that I should keep rowing and pulling my weight instead of leaving him to do it all alone.

You would think that since I have the insight to know such much about myself and how wrong I behave I would change but it is harder to change what seems so instinctive to my nature. I can know in my head that I need to behave better but it feels surreal and I respond badly in spite of myself.

So here’s to another storm trip with the hopes of sunny days ahead and I want my guy to know I love him and he is my rock and my anchor. Thanks for putting up with all my bullshit! I promise in the next storm I’ll try harder.

Post It Tuesday's

It's Tuesday which means Post It's. I really like this idea of a miniature version of what I've been thinking. Give it a try. To participate in Post-it Note Tuesday go to SupahMommy. Get on over there and check it out!

Things to Teach Your Children to Prepare Them For College

I was pretty naïve when I started college; I assumed that everyone there was excited about learning and getting an education to improve their station in life. Well this is not the case for most or at least not right now. So I thought I would share some insights which might help you in preparing your kids for college.


1. Do not buy your kid a laptop for college. Ok so most of you will do this because it does seem logical that they would need one. But the library has lap tops they can check out if needed and there are computer laps all over campus. My reason for this is that 90% of the kids, who bring their laptops to class play games, visit Facebook or shop. Which means they are being rude to the professors and are not learning anything in the class, which also converts to the pocketbook because they will probably have to take the class again? Just a side note on this issue it is also very distracting to sit behind someone who is doing the above mentioned activities.

2. Make your highschooler have homework! Most professors tell their students the first day of class that you will have about 3 hours of homework for every 1 hour of class. Now even I don’t study that much but it does take at least an hour minimum for each class. I sit with students who tell me they are unprepared for homework and assume that the assignments are no big deal and can be done whenever. This leads to point number three.

3. Does your student understand a deadline? There is no such thing as late work in college, not even the next hour. Most professors won’t take late work unless you are dying and have a note. Those that do, take a lot of points off. In high school these days turning your assignments in right before report cards are to come out is fine, just get the work in, this will not fly in college. Also you cannot miss a test (except for the dying excuse), unless you are an athlete leaving town that day, test day is test day! And if you do poorly you cannot take it over to get a better grade (again a popular practice at high school to help raise those class averages).



So there are a few tips to get you started on preparing yourself or your kids for college!

Sunday Movies

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, it has been mid-term week at college and I have been studying and stressing. But now that's over for a while so back to blogging! Here are the movies I watched, though to be honest one of them I more or listen too, so the review is from the perspective of my guys.

The first movie is The Boondock Saints. This is the movie I listen to and didn't actually watch. The boys (two of them plus dad – the older boys) loved this movie so much I was asked to get online immediately after it was over and reserve the sequel. I’m not sure what the appeal to this movie is accept it is a comedy not a drama. It has guns, murder, bumbling assassins, thick accents and the most important and funny scene seems to be the accidental shooting of the cat. Now I thought perhaps it was just my men who were twisted but when I brought this movie up on campus you would have thought (for the men) that I was talking about the Playboy channel. The guys on campus love this movie and most own it. They watch it all the time and even have the bonus material cd. Not sure what that says about the mentality of our college students but you might give this one a try, if the subject matter appeals to you.

Next we have what I think was suppose to be an epic movie. I however felt that 2012 was boring and unbelievable. The special effects are wonderful but the acting not so much. For me it loses some of its punch when we are introduced to Woody Harrelson’s character that is so whacked out and over the top, it becomes very awkward. From there it just seems to get corny and more unbelievable. I would much rather you watch The Day After Tomorrow then this movie.

Up in the Air – uh….this one has me stumped, I liked it but it was such a different experience that it is taking me a while to process. The scenes are short and quick, camera changes, scene, dialogue all take place in mini groups. The main idea of the movie is completely relevant for today economy and the acting is great. I don’t think I would watch it again but only because it is a film worth thinking about, not merely entertainment. So I guess yes I would recommend this one, there is brief nudity and some swearing but overall this is a class act movie – you’ll just have to figure out why on your own, I think it will be different for everyone.

What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love and Oh Yeah don't forget the 42 Million Condoms

I know it seems I have a condom fetish but really this just makes me sick. The World Cup is to be held in South Africa and what are they most concern with? The 40,000 expected prostitutes that are expected to come in to Cape Town to Johannesburg. So the President of South Africa has requested from Great Britain 42 million condoms. Personally I didn't know that the Brit's were so sexually active that they had that big of a stock pile lying around, but whatever it’s the quiet ones you have to worry about or so they say.

Here is why the country will be in such great need: The South African government estimates that up to half a million visitors could travel to the country, raising fears of a rise in prostitution and sex trafficking from neighboring countries and eastern Europe, and creating a potential HIV time bomb. Well I’m sure putting a band aid on this problem will keep it from exploding don’t you?

It does sadden me to think of the people behind the politics of South Africa. The suffering of the children and those who are infected without knowing or consenting is not to be taken lightly. An estimated 5.7 million South Africans are living with HIV, about one in every five adults. There are about 1,400 new HIV infections and nearly 1,000 Aids deaths every day.

But it is hard to understand a country where on one hand they are asking from help from all resources to cure this disease but are being lead by men who have no regard for the lives of others, even those close to home.

Critics accuse South Africa's leadership of undermining the fight with denialism and hypocrisy. Former president Thabo Mbeki's unwillingness to act has been blamed for the premature deaths of 300,000 people. President Jacob Zuma, while being tried on charges of raping an HIV-positive family friend in 2006, was ridiculed for testifying he took a shower after sex to lower the risk. He was acquitted of rape. Earlier this year he again did not use a condom when having sex with the daughter of a family friend, who subsequently gave birth to his 20th child. (Sarah Boseley, health editor, and David Smith in Johannesburg The Guardian, Tuesday 9 March 2010)

Post It Tuesday's

It's Tuesday which means Post It's. I really like this idea of a miniature version of what I've been thinking. Give it a try. To participate in Post-it Note Tuesday go to SupahMommy. Get on over there and check it out!

Sunday Movies

Not sure what I've been doing that was so important that I couldn't watch any movies. Maybe it was the Olympics, since I broke the awesome new TV, we only have the one and the man likes his Olympics. Or maybe it is because I have 3 young men in Club Wrestling who are at practice 4 days a week and don't get home till 8! At any rate I only have two movies to review - Moon and Law Abiding Citizens.

Let’s start with Moon. This stars Sam Rockwell - who according to his movie credits has done a lot of film but nothing that stands out to me. The voice of the computer is Kevin Spacey and I have to say even his voice is a great actor! We watched this film (me, 1 man, 3 boys ages 11-15) and only 2 of us stayed awake. Now it was a busy a day, so I'll take that into account, still it was a really slow movie. There is one actor so it is like a one man show except you see two of the same guy. There is the possibility in the movie for some interesting twist but they only slightly come into play. There is language so it is rated R. My husband wants you to know this is not an eye candy movie so you need to be alert and ready to think the process out. This is thinking movie, we discussed it more in length the next day and we agreed that after discussing the movie it was more interesting than we thought and perhaps if we watched it again we would understand it better.

Next we have eye-candy (for the women) with action (for the men). This is an action flick but it is more than that because up until the bad guy crosses the line you are rooting for him to beat the system and proof his point of corruption in the judicial system. This movie is for older kids because there is some brutal killing, and rape and plenty of bad language. The acting is great and believable; the action is intense and brutal. This is movie making a statement about the corruption or ease that judges, prosecutors and attorneys make deals that affect people’s lives forever, mostly to further their own careers instead of standing up for justice.

Here is some eye-candy for those who appreciate!

Baby Update!

I took Jasmine to her first OB appointment and well it was cool!

1.  Very glad it's not me on the table.

2. The baby is due October 15th (my birthday is the 4th - just saying)

3. The baby is the size of a Raspberry! Which in 7 weeks is a hugh growth from a orange seed!

4. Next visit we hear the heart beat!

While this may not have been the way I thought her life would go, it has brought not only her and I closer but her and her daddy as well. I love her and support her and we get to laugh at all her stupid questions and try to answer the real questions that are prompted by fear. I think we all be ok and survive this bump in the road of life.

Mama Kat's Assignment

It's time for Mama Kat's writing assignment!

1.) You’re so vain. You probably think this post is about you…don’t you?

All About You

You live in a world not of this reality.

The smiles, the whispers never make it to your realm.

A raccoon gazing at himself in the river,

always preening & adjusting to look just so.

Using your beauty to attract the gold.

You shimmy, you sway.

Vanity is your calling card.

Shame is the rug you tread on.

Regrets are rungs upon a ladder,

brown dwarfs accumulating into dark matter.

What you see in the reflection is an illusion,

for the mirror is damaged from rage.

A freshly made puddle would be a truer expression,

if truth is what you intend.

Look deep, only you can bring this to an end.

Post It Tuesday's

It's Tuesday, it's time to participate in Post-it Note Tuesday with SupahMommy. Get on over there and check it out!